Activity: Papa School
Venue : Bukit Mertajam Chinese Methodist Church
Date : 18-20 Oct 2019
Do fathers need to go to school to study how to become a father? Well, actually there is a school for that. The school, named cutely as “Papa School” was a 3 day course organized by the Duranno Father School. In October, the course was held at the Bukit Mertajam Chinese Methodist Church, which I decided to take part in.
Uniquely, the course is handled by previous participants who have ‘graduated’ from the Papa School itself. The resource materials such as booklet and videos on the other hand are adapted from the original materials from Duranno Father School in South Korea. Established in 1995, the first Duranno Father School sought to change the lives of families by changing the life of the father.
Together with 5 other Li Xin Chinese Cogregation members, I took part in the course, not knowing what to expect. Participants were comprised of various ages and stages in fatherhood. There were those recently married, expecting a baby and in my group, there was the oldest father at 85 years old.
One the first night, we started with the usual division of smaller groups, creating a group chant and introduction. Using small group discussions and videos, we tackled the issue of a father’s influence. We understood that a father has 4 major functions to fulfill: creating bonds in the family, loving the family, leading the family and empowering the family. I think one of the biggest breakthrough that night was looking at how our own father had influenced our own parenting styles.
A powerful component in the course was actually through the personal sharing by the facilitators. These facilitators were also fathers who had previously gone through the programme. There was a facilitator who shared how his father had strictly disciplined him and he decided to use the same manner to discipline his son. Unfortunately, one day when his son was a teenager, he raised up his hand to strike his son and his son decided to strike back, causing a scuffle. At that moment, he knew he needed to change. There were also testimonies of other fathers dealing with addiction, divorce and pornography.
The course has many other examples of such powerful sharing. I find that these sharing by facilitators and participants creates an atmosphere of trust among fathers and brothers that are lacking in the society. Often times men were taught not to show their feelings or weakness and this course allows participants to rise up and take the first step to change their behaviors.
We also learned about a father’s manhood and mission on the second day. Analogies of a father’s manliness was exemplified in being a king, warrior, teacher and friend. A father needs to be like a benevolent king in the family, reigning with mercy, justice and wisdom. As a warrior, a father needs to protect his family. As a teacher, a father needs to nurture his family. Fathers need to remember that we often teach children through our actions more than our words. If we do not act it out, our children will not follow. As a friend, father’s need to be the shoulder to lean on in our family’s time of need.
There were also frank discussions of 9 current cultures that destroy a father’s manhood. These comprise of cultures such as workaholic, violence, leisure, drinking, sex and other addictions. A notable inclusion includes cyber culture; which creates loneliness, breaks down relationships and encourage self-pity through social media comparison.
The remaining themes include a father’s mission as a husband and as a father. I’m really encouraged that a father must first fulfill their responsibilities to their own wives, who are vital partners in the marriage. Only with both husband and wife in harmony, could the family be united. Finally, there were discussions about a father’s spirituality and how we need to be spiritual leaders like Jesus.
I found the 3-day course to be filled with interesting activities. We were asked to write a letter of things we want to say to our own fathers. This addresses any bitterness or issues we may have yet to resolve. Then the most interesting one was writing a letter to our own wives. We also need to separately write 20 reasons why we love our wives as well. This elicited a lot of laughs and some tears. It does motivate husbands to put their feelings down onto paper and verbalize it, rather than just being stoic in their relationships. Of course, we also need to write a letter and 20 reasons why we love our children, which is quite challenging to write.
Overall, I believe the course has been very helpful. I observe the strong impact it has especially for conservative fathers who are not sure how to show their feelings towards their families. These are also fathers who are taught only to provide financially for their family and not emotionally or spiritually. For those who have gone through some form of Christian pre-marriage counselling, these activities may seem common. However, I believe it is a very good refresher on the heavy and important role of a father.
Written by Bro. Edmund Ngo
3 Jan 2020
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